Anyway to figure how much torque is needed on how many wheels per vehicle mass etc...

Is there some formula out there to calculate how much AddTorque you need to apply, to how many wheels of a certain radius, belonging to a vehicle of a certain mass in order to get the vehicle moving?

I’m just sort of guessing in the dark here about how much torque to add, and what gear ratios to use, wondering if theres some more intelligent method to use to figure this out.

No.
Not generally since there are so many parameters that influence this,BUT by making some key variables public you can, as you know, tweak while playing the game.