Burn out as a recreational game designer

[starrtennis]

I’m not entirely sure how to structure this post. But, I guess, I’ll just dive right into it.

Without a schedule, making computer games can be hard. With a full time job or while looking for work it’s even harder. With a full-time life it’s even harder.

With a mental illness it’s even harder.

I was diagnosed with a mental illness about 8 years ago, and it has interfered with just about every aspect of my life it can. Game design is no exception.

So I just want to say, if you’re hitting road blocks, if you feel discouraged about not making enough progress, if you don’t think your game(s) is/are good enough, don’t lose hope! There are changes you can make to make the process easier on yourself. For me, it was coming up with a daily routine and sticking to it to simultaneously not overwork, and not underwork. I was not aware whether I was doing too much or too little for my game, and I realized progress had nigh halted because I was panic-stricken whenever I had to open it because there were so many bugs and progress loopholes in it.

Do what you need to do to make the process easy on yourself. You won’t last unless you do. Game design is a very, very technical discipline and it’s not going to be a stroll through the park, even for a “normal” person. For someone with a handicap it’s even harder.

So realize there are others out there who struggle, and do what makes it easiest for yourself, and give yourself adequate time to make progress. Bask in it. When you solve that annoying bug that had plagued you for weeks, enjoy the reward! Run your game a hundred times because it’s so neat and cool! Even if it’s not done! There’s no reward (unless you’re making money off it, and so few of us are) except the product itself, so bask in it.

If anyone ever needs to talk about burnout and game design, don’t feel afraid to PM me.

As a side note, I apologize for any previously inappropriately comments from myself on here. It was purely a state of my mental illness and not targeted at anyone.

So, keep up the good work, own it, and fight the good fight!

[BIGTIMEMASTER]

To be honest I think game making or any “sitting in front of a computer screen” work is just about the worst thing you can do while struggling with mental illness. Got to get outside and live actual human-on-planet-earth life, not create fantasies.

JMO, but I think creative process is much better when you are starting from inspiration, not dragging through desperation.

Maintaining work/life balance is impossible if scope of project isn’t right. And anything beyond snake or pong is pretty much too much for one person. So money becomes a necessity, which again infringes on work/life balance. All in all, I think it’s only a sport for those with financial freedom, or ability/willingness to make significant sacrifice of health and time.

Maybe if you are in the industry and have connections and want to go around begging for money you can do something, but that’s a different league than basement dwellers.

I think what newbies might not realize is that the reasonable scope of responsibility the average person can handle is significantly less than what you will take on in trying to manage an entire game by yourself. At a studio a person sits there and makes textures. Does nothing else. Someone else makes models, does nothing else. Each person is highly specialized in one small area. The people who make large decisions don’t know shit about the import/export technicals between department A and F.

But if you try to do it all on your own you have to manage the organizational technicalities, plus do the work, plus make the big decisions. It’s a crisis or how many decisions your brain can handle. Military level of organization and management is necessary. And still you got to scope down - way down.

Alone and without serious cash, you are never going to make a “good” game. You can finish games, sure. But you have to be willing to make compromises at every corner.

Anyway, good post, I’m just rambling.

[starrtennis]

@BIGTIMEMASTER

To be honest I think game making or any “sitting in front of a computer screen” work is just about the worst thing you can do while struggling with mental illness. Got to get outside and live actual human-on-planet-earth life, not create fantasies.

JMO, but I think creative process is much better when you are starting from inspiration, not dragging through desperation.

Maintaining work/life balance is impossible if scope of project isn’t right. And anything beyond snake or pong is pretty much too much for one person. So money becomes a necessity, which again infringes on work/life balance. All in all, I think it’s only a sport for those with financial freedom, or ability/willingness to make significant sacrifice of health and time.

Maybe if you are in the industry and have connections and want to go around begging for money you can do something, but that’s a different league than basement dwellers.

I think what newbies might not realize is that the reasonable scope of responsibility the average person can handle is significantly less than what you will take on in trying to manage an entire game by yourself. At a studio a person sits there and makes textures. Does nothing else. Someone else makes models, does nothing else. Each person is highly specialized in one small area. The people who make large decisions don’t know S*** about the import/export technicals between department A and F.

But if you try to do it all on your own you have to manage the organizational technicalities, plus do the work, plus make the big decisions. It’s a crisis or how many decisions your brain can handle. Military level of organization and management is necessary. And still you got to scope down - way down.

Alone and without serious cash, you are never going to make a “good” game. You can finish games, sure. But you have to be willing to make compromises at every corner.

Anyway, good post, I’m just rambling.

Thanks, BTM. That is a solid contribution to the original intent I had for the conversation. You are right on all accounts.

Then comes into question the discrepancy between dreaming big and shooting small, and how your mind reconciles that. There’s bound to be some conflict there, as like you said a one-person-team can only achieve so much. I think it boils down to creativity. There’s so much more value, for a one-person-team, in an original idea than in high-end game techniques, so you have to really imagine what your game can and cannot be, and work from the heart.

But if your heart is in it, there are always opportunities to get funding, hire people, start your own small studio–all things I have no knowledge of. In the end the proof is in the pudding and you’ll see what you are capable of yourself, be it organizational or on-your-own design.

[BIGTIMEMASTER]

agreed. persistence always wins. and when you work under real constraints it gives opportunity to creatively figure out cool solutions. I think that is actually more interesting than just throwing money at something until its exactly what you imagined from the start.