How can i let the Physicengine calculate the centerOfMass again,when i change the position of some collider in the rigidbody?
You could try to remove and add the collider through AddComponent as adding components should trigger the recalculation.
(mCenter1 * mMass1 + mCenter2 * mMass2 + ... + mCentern * mMassn) / (mMass1 + ... + mMassn ),
where
mCenteri - Vector3, variable "center" of Collider,
mMassi - mass.