Let me start this by saying “I come in peace”.
I said i’d take a little break from saying crazy things in these forums, but I don’t think if I make a post here it violates that promise to stop causing trouble, especially if I’m attempting to deescalate things and take my share of responsibility for all the “random crazed nonsense” I’ve been spewing.
I guess what I just wanted to attempt to do was give context, I know this probably won’t help anything, but I feel compelled to at least TRY to explain myself.
It’s a bit off putting to have a thread dedicated to you where everyone is nonchalantly referring to you as a crazy person and these people are the mods running the website
I don’t have to tell you guys this, but America is a silly place. And it also happens to be the epicenter of where all the venture capital came from that turned Unity upside down. But it’s not JUST America that has craziness, I think it’s also those European speech rules that necessitated the migration to these forums in the first place! I could be wrong, maybe you guys are right, maybe I am crazy
But for what it’s worth my perception of the world doesn’t come from online conspiracies. I’ve worked in this industry many years, in many teams, ranging from game studios to tech firms, to writing teams to art houses, again in America and to be specific, I’ve worked in some of the most politically charged places in this country for years on end. I can’t expect anyone to understand these dynamics.
I’m going to stop myself from getting to “conspiratorial” or from saying anything that could be construed as political, as again, I am truly tired of being a pain in the ass, and just causing grievances. Yes there is a lot of anger and rage in what people say online sometimes. But for many of us, we want to air problems because we want solutions.
No one here decided one day “You know what, I think i’m goinna S*(@ in the Unity’s discussions cheerios today and go out of their way to be a thorn in the side of this company or its community”.
Many of us are tied to this engine and being dragged down by very poor decisions and poor fiscal policy. Most simply screamed and left. I guess maybe I’m just a special kind of annoying and remained here screaming day after day. I did not choose for all of this to go down like this, or for me to be so closely linked to the chaos that I perceived to be pertinent to the Unity situation.
What I will say is I can’t blame anyone for not having any frame of reference for thinking I’m one of those “crazed American lunatics”. And I also understand that on the world stage, my brand of crazy is not the most liked people regardless.
If it wasn’t for our problems Unity would be this fun piece of tech from Europe and everything would be dandy. But all that big money and corporatism from America messed everything up. And on top of that, we’re all hearing about all these crazy people who have all these conspiracies that are ruining this industry, and as it’s talked about oversees, we are not put in the best light. I can’t fault anyone for the lived experiences and data that they have available to them.
What’s wrong with all those silly Americans? We don’t have any of those problems here, what a bunch of crazies… And you’re right. I’m a bit jealous that you guys have no idea WTF i’m talking about, and that I look like a total crazy person, I understand that where you’re from it’s easy to see who the good guys are and who the crazy people are without too much craziness.
Others of you happen to be in this industry stateside, and so long as you’re in the right “crowd” I look even more crazy. But I won’t get into that right now
I know what it’s like to think this way, because 5 years ago before all this craziness I thought very similarly and would react the exact same way to my posts.
All i’m going to say is things have gotten really crazy in this industry in this part of the world, and maybe if things start to change and more is revealed about how our industry has been operating between all this venture capital craziness and the rampant tribalism maybe some day you guys will see that I wasn’t that crazy after all… Or maybe I actually am totally nuts and i’m still just spewing more annoying BS i don’t even know any more
Have I gone overboard? Talked my mouth off for years and endlessly gone off my rocker attacking this invisible specter incessantly like a total unhinged weirdo? Yes I have, and I’m sorry you guys have had to witness this, because when I look at my own post history, even I cringe.
But you dedicate so much of your life to an industry, to an engine, and a community and you see it all go up in flames, and it can do weird things to your mind, especially when you’re years deep into a project and you feel like you have no where to escape and the building is on fire between all this nuttiness.
Anyway, I told myself I wouldn’t try to use this post to try to change any minds, or to throw more insanity out there.
I just wanted to say I get you guys think I’m crazy, and that it sucks that I have ruined this forum experience for many of you. I can’t expect any of you to understand, and if I take a step back, I can even see the good in what you guys are trying to do. I would do the same in your position, because the crap I spout here sounds totally crazy.
I guess that’s about it. I’ve more or less blathered all the things I wanted to say, and don’t really want to cause any more frustrations at my outbursts, it’s not your guys’ friggin’ problem to be blunt, but IMO it IS Unity’s problem, you’ve just had to bear witness to these incessant fits.
Unity and this industry will hopefully heal, and I feel at this point running my mouth here isn’t going to do any good, and just makes me look like a crazy person in front of those who have no way of knowing if anything I say has any validity.
So I think i’ll just leave this there. Sorry for going nuts on these forums, in my mind i’m fighting the good fight, but if everyone thinks you’re a nut, and just wants you gone, are you really making anything better?
Sorry again for the headaches. I’ll probably be posting in the coming days regarding the Unite function, but I promise to keep it “crazy free”, and to stop being a nuisance on these forums in general.
I think in time we may come to a better understanding of what Unity is, what this industry is and where it needs to go, but right now, people are all wound up with preconceived notions wondering WTF is happening.
Here’s hoping we can all get back to talking about cool Unity features and not worrying about that one crazy guy on the forums on some weird f*cking crusade ruining everything.
And i’ll be frank, I shouldn’t be all like “hey let’s all be chums” and all uplifting and crap at the end here. I understand I’ve been a total f*cking dick. I accept that, and again, sorry.
I’ll go so far to say that it won’t surprise me at all if this post gets flagged and removed, that’s fine, probably a little deserved. Just wanted to get this off my mind. It’s an unfortunate situation we’ve all been through and all suffered together in recent years. Hope things get better in the future and that this is a positive Unite.