What is this one doing where it is:
I mean, what is the purpose of that? If it’s meant to just break up the slab of text then put it before that sentence, not after it.
As it is, you go directly from talking about “two distinct campaigns” to that picture, via a colon. The stuff immediately after a colon is supposed to detail or expand upon the thing introduced on its left. That seemingly unrelated picture just confusingly pushes your list of campaigns away from the text that introduced them.
really useful, thanks everybody.
I agree.
For what OP presents on steam, it tells much already. But current gif does not add to the content. Gameplay, that what you missing, not the exhibition of wax figures 
I would like see moving figures from x tile, to y tile. Or maybe, is there any animation / effects when fighting? Or sounds?
Me not so much huge fan of such genere, but as potential customer, I would like to see, what happens, when fight actually occur between units. How battle is presented and how is handled. Does shows some stats, anim, sfx, etc.
Last thing you want, are customers complaining and request refund, because they get, not what they expected. And accordingly reviews …
Yep, it look to me completely unrelated. Does not convey information on the, whats different between each gameplay.
You may want potentially join 2, or 3 images together as one. Better do as animated gif, and best, as vid.
Just thoughts regarding trees, or other high / large obstructing objects.
You may want consider, implementing auto transparency, when obstructing units.
I was waiting for this. Forgive me if I seem too harsh here, that’s not my intention.
“The Narrative Campaign features a casual story. The gameplay builds up slowly, but culminates into massive battles that will test your endurance and focus. Victory will be hard fought, but glorious!”
This is a nothing burger. What is the casual story? Why would I be interested in your narrative campagin if I know nothing about the narrative? Details. What is “gameplay?”
“The Strategy Campaign gives a no-nonsense nose dive right into old school strategy gameplay. Hardcore gamers can challenge themselves for a perfect Golden Goblet playthrough. Tighter, highly focused gameplay means every small decision is critical.”
The existence of this paragraph and the delineating description being “old school strategy gameplay” implies that this is a completely different type of gameplay from that featured in the narrative campaign. Is this actually the case? If it is, you need to make it more obvious in the previous paragraph how the gameplay is different. If it isn’t…why is thisseparate?
In addition, why is this a “campaign?” The word “campaign” has narrative connotations, even in its most generically military of definitions, yet you introduce no narrative element here and do not justify the distinction from the “narrative campaign.”
“Tighter, highly-focused gameplay” has two problems. The more nitpicky is that the first modifier is a comparative (tighter) while the second is not (highly-focused). The less-nitpicky problem is that you’re throwing shade at the narrative campaign here by implying that it’s unfocused. This sentence should be something more like: “building on the foundations of the narrative campaign, the stakes are raised such that every decision is critical, no matter how small.” of course…this only matters if there’s a meaningful difference between the strategy campaign and the narrative one, and that hasn’t been shown.
“Unique, highly detailed unit figurines, based on authentic 10th century artworks and mythology.”
Details. Give me details. “Mythology” is absurdly broad.
“Simple interface. The whole game can be played using only the mouse.”
Should be “entire,” not “whole.”
In addition to the above, your “About This Game” section doesn’t have the high-level description that’s next to the images at the top…and I’d still say that one isn’t detailed enough. Your images very clearly show demon-type creatures, but the closest thing to context for this that we have is “Devilish Fiends Doth March In Evil Crusade.” Consider looking at the Phantom Doctrine or even the Mutant Year Zero pages for some great introductory material.
I saw a comment by Angrypenguin about font size, but for the first image and a couple others, your text isn’t centered relative to the “backboard” or whatever.
I am really, really not a fan of screenshots 8 or 10 (and a couple others are iffy too). While I like the idea of the different hues, especially the red where the demons appear, it’s almost impossible to distinguish what’s going on at the center of the fray. Those screens aren’t readable (for 8 in particular it’s very difficult to tell where the demons are versus the “good guys”). I’d prefer it if the color of the characters contrasted in some way with the background.
Additionally, if you look to the Mutant Year Zero or Phantom Doctrine pages you’ll see that both have very clear pictures of not just gameplay UI in their screenshots, but also active gameplay, showing things like a skill in action, or the possible actions a player can take during a turn, showing how the game is played. You have a bit of UI, but I have no idea what that means for gameplay. I have no idea what actions an arbalist can take.
I dont want to bitch with frosted but why is this not moved by moderators? I have had threads like these moved, for example when I asked about our steam trailer
Edit: and on topic, like others have said a video is crucial. The visuals don’t appeal me, too chaotic but I’m a 40 year old male and you probably target younger people
I’m fine with moving the thread if this is inappropriate. On the other hand, I think for a lot of guys, looking at a steam store page critically and some of the ‘marketing effort’ is probably helpful.
This is game marketing in action after all, an area a lot of us are inexperienced with, and an important part of making a game.
I have had similar threads locked because they should be in WIP thread. It’s nothing against you I just don’t like double standards in moderation.
Problem is nobody looks in WIP section so you will not get any feedback
I think the forums might benefit from a biz dev section. This topic and many others in General would be a great fit and its probably where I’d spend most of my time.
On topic, as everyone has said, a video is needed. I’ve never purchased a game from steam that doesnt have a video that I can recall.
I don’t find the visuals too busy but they do suffer a little (as does my game) in that I cant quite tell whats going on. Maybe its the units are not standing out enough from the terrain. Not quite sure.
A video would help me decide though 
Would love to know how it goes. Please keep us informed. Good luck!
Yeah, the WIP section is largely ignored by forum members. In addition to that, the WIP section has a bunch of threads about Assets instead of just WIP games. There is too much noise in the WIP section.
Looks good to me
thanks again everybody. This is a lot to of good info to work from. We got our plate full!
Video is in the works, as is improvements based on ya’lls feedback to the store page.
@AndersMalmgren , real-talk here, you were being all controversial a little while back. When you annoy somebody a little bit, then they gonna look at you closer, and find more things that annoy them. That’s how all people ever work. As mentioned, this isn’t a WIP thread, its critique thread which everybody can learn from. SO please don’t muddy it up like that. Send a PM to mods if you must.
I can’t see how a thread that asks about feedback on a steam trailer is any different from this thread.
Hey guys, we’ve implemented many of the great suggestions that we got from ya’ll here. Really can’t thank ya’ll enough.
At the moment, I am working on creating some better gif’s that aren’t so jumpy. The rest we think is pretty good. Definitely feels more lively and is doing a better job of communicating the game. Let us know what you think.
Oh! trailer is in the works, of course. That just takes a bit of time as we are both fairly noobish with that. And collecting footage and combing through it is time consuming.
Oh oh! Our wishlist ratio has increased two-fold. Pat on the backs for all of you.
Looks tons better. Well done.
Lets see what vid will be cobbled with
Looking way better! But still:
“When the Great Beast marches in Evil Crusade, there is but one choice for Goodly Men of God: To Battle!”
This is great as an introductory statement. But you need detail below it. Who is the great beast? I assume it’s Satan/Lucifer whatever.What is the reason for the “evil crusade?” What does it threaten? You invoke God here; where’s he at in all of this? I could see something like this below what you already have (and the gif):
"From time immemorial we have prepared ourselves for Armageddon. But Lucifer, that serpent of deception, has preempted our plans. He and his fallen angels have risen from the depths to attack us unaware. Kingdoms fell [are we set in the real world or fantasy locations? this could use detail as well] before we understood what we faced. Even God himself is silent. The fate of humanity is in our hands. For the sake of God, and for the sake of Man, we do the only thing we can do: we take back our world, and we storm the gates of Hell [this might be presumptuous, not sure if you include something like this].
And just FYI, I’d have no problem at all with you taking what I have there and modifying it to fit what you have (not suggesting you do so, but just in case you want to).
Arbalist - a second problem is the slow rate of fire (which I hope your game includes)
Your tone is very different between the initial statements with the headers, the unit descriptions, and the “by the numbers” section. In and of itself this isn’t a problem, but it needs to be done with care and deliberation.
I’m still not sure what makes the “strategy campaign” any different from a bunch of “skirmishes” you’d find in Age of Empires or Homeworld (not talking about the gameplay, just what makes it a “campaign”).
But, once again–looking way better.
good advice.
about having more detail, our game is very story-light (even the narrative campaign). Story is purely in the form of dialogue and is bare bones simple. It’s just there to give some sense of urgency and comedy at times. As such, I don’t think more than a few lines of exposition would be justified, otherwise we may be sending the wrong message. And the other thing is, we feel the strength of the game is the visuals/theme and the gameplay, so we wanted to basically get images and gifs in viewers eyeballs first and foremost.
I see about getting a bit more exposition in there, just so viewer isn’t left scratching their head about “why?”
That’s interesting about the campaigns. I don’t think neither of us thought about it that way. To us, campaign just meant “a string of connected missions.” As in, your army carries over from one to the next, it builds up in difficulty, etc.
edit: @EternalAmbiguity I dropped in a short exposition blurb where you mentioned. I think that gives a better flow. Gives you a little more intro before you move into the stuffs. It won’t answer much about the story, but basically the story is, “there’s demons, you gotta kill them”. It’s all theme and dialogue, no real meat to the story (but there is some pretty good surprises)
Keeping the same army with upgrades and such definitely sounds like a type of campaign (because that doesn’t happen in the one-off “skirmishes” other games have). That should be in the description; I think that would make it fine.
@EternalAmbiguity , thanks again man I look a bit closer at that.
About the tone change, i did that kinda subconsciously but i think it fits. When speaking about gameplay, the game is quite serious. Its very old school in that regard – i.e. pretty demanding.
But in theme, it’s light-hearted and satirical. So thats where that tone shift comes into play.
One thing me and frosted talked about after getting all the feedback here was that, we shouldn’t be trying to describe the game coldly and analytically, we should be talking about it as if viewer is our best friend sitting next to us and we just really excited to show them about this new game. So especially down in the unit descriptions, since the unit types are kinda fun just by design, I just wrote as if I were talking, where as in bigger picture stuff above I wanna let viewer know what kind of game they are getting into.
Yeah I don’t think the tone change is bad at all, just that consistency within a section is key (and I didn’t see anything that stuck out to me as not working right, just wanted to mention it).
Other than the video, I think it’s pretty much there.
Hey guys, after taking a lot of your thoughts to heart and improving the page, yesterday we got 69 wishlists. This is a 3.5x improvement from where we were a few days ago.
Last night I uploaded a trailer (its not perfect, but it’s not awful). Since the trailer didn’t go up until around midnight, I don’t think the impact had a lot of effect on the wishlist count. So I think this jump is really due to the store page description and screenshots.
Will be interesting to see if the trailer actually bumps us up or not. I’ll be happy if we can just keep in this range of 50+ wishlists a day.
Thanks for all the feedback!
