Starting Over?

As some of you may remember, my wife, Hannah, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in September of 2008. If you are interested, I have a website setup that I kept her progress journals and photos. CaringBridge
She fought and beat the cancer three times. Each time the cancer came back harder and faster than the last. My beautiful, amazing Hannah passed away on June 25, 2009 from complications of being in the hospital and surgery. Hannah was 27 years old!

Hannah was my love. She was definitely my better half. She was such an amazing person. As beautiful as she was on the outside, her inner beauty was much greater. She loved me. She loved life. She loved to laugh. She loved my children. Hannah was the strongest person that I have ever met. She fought the cancer with everything she had. She never gave up. She never surrendered. She taught me what determination means.

Hannah was a very special person. We had a very special relationship. We understood each other. We fit together perfectly. Our plan was to work on games together from our home. Hannah was so excited about this. It was a dream for her. We started working on our game ideas. We created the design documents, we started modeling the environments and characters. We worked very well together. A real team. That got put on the back burner when Hannah was diagnosed with cancer. However, it never stopped us from talking about it and thinking about what the future was going to hold for us. We dreamed big. We dreamed bold. We dreamed together.

Now that Hannah is no longer here with me (although I believe she is still here in spirit and always in my mind, heart and soul) I have been struggling with what to do now. It has taken me this long, since June 25, to even be able to look at the game development sites I usually look at. It has taken me this long to think about writing a blog. But I think Hannah would want me to carry on with what we started together. I think she would want me to hold onto those dreams. She would want me to be strong and determined like she was and carry on her dreams and aspirations. It will be difficult… I miss her so! Everything I touch on the computer and the desk and the room and the house reminds me of her.

So… I am starting over… kinda! I am starting again from where we left off. I am picking up the pieces and am going to try and make games that Hannah would be proud to call her own, that she would be proud to be a part of. I hope I am up for the challenge. Hopefully she will guide my hand in this endeavor.

I miss my wife, my love, my Hannah. I miss her strength and determination. I miss her love. I miss her laugh. People keep telling me that time heals all things… I guess I need time. She will always be with me. She will always be a part of who I am.

Wish me luck…
Thank you for your time,
Jeff Johnston

I have never meet a single person whose life have not been touched by cancer including myself. its a determined disease. I wish you best wishes.

Sorry to hear your story friend.

I would defenitely keep down the game design path, because its pretty clear thats what you both wanted.

Put all that energy and love into your work and it will show through.

Good luck! You have a great community here to help you along.

L

My deepest condolences

hey Dude theres nothing anyone can say on a issue like this…but peace to you dude!..hope everything in your future works out and that the memory of your wife never fades…and hope your next project whatever it is …is successful.

Dear Jeff,

I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences. And thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Your journey touches us all.

The healing process takes time and you are doing all the right things. Just be patient with yourself and the process. It takes as long as it takes and be grateful for the smallest of progress.

Hannah will always be with you - she is just a thought or a feeling away. Please take life just one day at time right now. One moment at a time. When the moment is especially tough, just know that it will pass and the next moment won’t be as bad.

God bless you and God bless Hannah.

Mitch

My condolences, I loose 2 important persons this year and is very painfull.

Come back, fight… the only thing that you can do now is fight, you wife is live in you. You now carring with her for everywhere. The wounds will heal… someday. Find you within peace, you must to be grateful that you know the true love and live wiht her.

A hug for you.

My wishes go out to you as I wish you the best and I send you my condolences. It is tough and painful. Nothing I can say will make you feel better but you can leave with this thought. Complete strangers that actually care and feel for your loss as we are all sincere in our words.

Take care and god bless.

Kind Regards;

Urgh, that went under my skin. I’m very sorry to hear that and my thoughts are with you.

My condolences and well wishes to you as well.

-Will

What a tragic loss. Jeff, my heart goes out to you; what you must be feeling now is beyond description. Thank you for posting this. Hopefully it helps you to write these things down and try to express what you’re going through, and it certainly reminds us all that every moment we get to spend with loved ones is a precious gift that should never be taken for granted. The pain you’re feeling will eventually become bearable, though it may not seem so now. Hang in there!

Fulfilling the dream you shared with Hannah sounds like the best therapy for you, and the best memorial to her. Pour yourself into your work and make something she would be proud of. God bless you, man.

Sorry to hear about your tragic loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

Definitely follow the dream/path you guys wanted and loved so much. Time will certainly heal things.

Best wishes!

As with the others my heart goes out to you. I’ve not lost anyone quite as close as a wife and life partner, but I have lost a few folks near and dear to me, including a childhood friend who passed away due to brain cancer after a three year fight to survive.

I wish you all the best in life, that you can draw from her memory and remember all the good times you were able to enjoy. Much love my man, stay strong.

I wish all the best to you friend, I’m sorry for your loss.

All the best of wishes moving forward Jeff, a very sad loss. Cancer is such a cruel illness.

I am sure Hannah would feel very proud by your touching words above.

Thank you for all the kind words and support. I means more than you know. I am struggling, but working through it.