Need feedback on a game plot/story

Hello there! so as you can see on the topic name I would like to get a feedback on a game plot/story basically I will be writing what is the game about, story behind it and how it is played, I sadly won’t be making the game but I get tons of ideas for games I wish to make but either way I am currently just a QA so to get more into gaming industry I thought I need more than that so I decided to give story writing a go so here it is.

2015, Relationship between Republic of China (Taiwan) People’s Republic of China is in danger, People’s Republic of China claims that they are the rightful owners of the Penghu Island, Taiwan denies it and tried to calm the tension between People’s Republic of China however the Communist China does not agree to any proposals from Taiwan and demands that Penghu Island becomes one of islands of China if not they will deploy its navy and army on the island, the aggression let’s ROC understand that China wants the island very badly due newly discovered oil reserves.

2015 November 22nd China declares war on Taiwan demanding the island to be taken by China however the war happens only around the Penghu Island, Taiwan calls for its top allies which are United States of America and Japan however USA does not accept the call of its ally and becomes neutral due economic reasons with China however Japan goes into aid for Taiwan supporting it in Naval and Airforce ways, China, fighting on its own with a massive navy and Land Forces transported to the island is pushing pretty much up and is near victory however with great leadership skills of Taiwan and Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Forces technology they manage to push the naval forces of China back a bit, European Nations are worried about the war, British, Italian and Polish top officials said that they will support Taiwan and Japan in its war of Penghu Island by sending supplies to them and so the war goes on, in the sea, air and land focused on Penghu Islands.

You can play 2 sides, Chinese and Taiwanese with one mission playing as JMSDF, each side has their own mission ending, the game style is played by you, you decide what your ship should do, you will have a lot of decisions as Captain of a Destroyer/Frigate ((You can choose in the beginning of Single Player Mission)) and every decision you make it has a impact in the campaign.

Your playable Captain’s are:
Taiwan: Captain He-ping Teng - Serious, charismatic, quiet
China: Ming-hoa Kuang - Angry, intelligent, serious, leadership
Japan: Naoki Tachibana (( Tachibana Naoki )) - Calm, intelligent, serious, charismatic leader.

Or perhaps a feature where you can create your own Captain?

Style of gameplay:
The gameplay is rather complex, something similar to Silent Hunter and Armed Assault series, you are basically a Captain of a either Frigate or a Destroyer, as a Captain you have full control of the ship, you can zoom in into the ship looking inside the interior and exterior, to for example move the ship you press W and to go full speed you double tap W and to turn you simply press either A or D and to slow down press S however it works as a command to the Helmsman.
You have strategic positions in your ships like CIC (Combat Information Center) this is where your ship gets information’s on the enemy locations, incoming aircraft or rockets and finding enemies and so CIC is a place where your ship has their Gunnery Officer, his the one who is taking orders of opening fire at enemies, to open fire with your vessel you have to have positive ID on the enemy aircraft or ship which is done by CIC and asking for information’s from friendly units when you have positive ID you then move your cursor to the target and right click on it and press “Attack” however you can as well give an order where CIC has a right to fire when positive ID is shown and when the enemy is close to the gun’s range, all the commands are told by voice acting of the crew, new enemies sighted, enemies down, hit etc.
The game view is full 3D not 2.5.

There will be a lot of campaigns to do to win hard ones and big decisions which could hurt your crew morale, supporting your land units and so on.
If I would of make the game, the gameplay would of change of course because I am fan of naval warfare etc but I do not know much but that is a changeable fact as to get information’s you go and ask rite? :stuck_out_tongue: but that won’t be done as I won’t be making the game, the purpose of the topic is to get feedback if I do this correctly, is my story line good? gameplay? whats wrong with it, how can I improve it etc etc

Thank you and I hope I will get some good feedbacks!
Norton

EDIT: I know I havent added like progression of the story but if you guys want me to add one I will.

It’s a nice intro. I know it’s not easy to write things down like this. I had a lot of screenplay writing courses trough my graduation and we did some works like that, so I will bring the hammer down based on my point of view. Certainly it’s not the ultimate truth.

I assumed it’s and early draft. You got the premiss well done. The reason why the conflic began. You should work more on the twist points:

-Iminent fall of taiwan.
-Turn of tide as japan can hold the last piece of land.
-Help of other countries.

And mainly the outcomes:

-Victory by China
-Victory by Japan

All reasons and logical steps should be nicely tied. Well explained. No holes on your story.

The trick is come up with all your possible lines of stories of your game. Write them from beginning until the very end of it. What are the final destinations of the main characters? Why?

You must realize you fist have to complete the creation of your story, and have in mind that will not be the same story or the same way you will present to the player. Having all background story will be a powerful tool to then tell the story properly the the player based on the choices he makes. It is a two step process. One is to create the “screenplay” of your whole game, an the other is think how you will tell the player that story over his choices.

And I see you came up with some mechanics. But that need some work to. More details, maybe some concept art to illustrate your ideas.

My suggestion is that you look for some game design documents samples and study how they are written and organized. The quickest mistake is to write something that only you can visualize. As a game designer you should be able to come up with a format and language that anyone can easily understand and enjoy.

And you got another very important thing right already. Don’t focus only on your ideas. Being creative is about combining different stuff, and different people brings it to you. The hard task is to organize the mess and all the yelling. But posting your work on the forum is a quine nice step towards it.

So keep on going, don’t stop here. Finish it up all the way. Its really worth it.

Hope you liked my feedback, and that motivates you to continue!

P.S. If you want I can post the first GDD I produced on my first semester at graduation. It’s in portuguese and it is about a modern squad based RTS settled over south america.

P.P.S. a link to a GDD here

Thanks that really did help!

The thing is that the game is a 3D RTS let’s say it like that which I forgot to write in the first topic so pardon.
As well I want the story (and gameplay) to be based on sea only where vessels are used so its a naval warfare and its a only war for a Island yet however a deadly sea war, economies of those three nations are lowering down due it, ships cost a lot so does ammunition and what I am trying to make of the story and gameplay is a RTS like similarity to Naval Warfare Arctic Circle in 3D with Armed Assault series campaign and Silent Hunter :stuck_out_tongue: so a 3D Strategic Game where your decision change the course of the war.

I will make a GDD later on maybe but sadly I wont be able to create a game after all I do not have much skills to do that as all I do is a QA and trying to improve my story writing etc.

Once again thanks for the feedback! I did not finish the story because I rushed too fast with the topic sadly.

First off, another QA tester, welcome !
Instead of writing up bugs , now you get to make them !

Secondly I’d be a bit less ambitious, that looks very difficult

Thanks but I’ve been working with unity for a bit :stuck_out_tongue: and not sure what you mean with your feedback good sir…

Hi there again and sorry for double post, but I have recently made something big, did a lot of work on it, a RPG story line and gameplay ideas etc, RPG’s are the hardest in my opinion and it might suck as its my first time trying RPG Story Writing/Plot.

Concept Art to show what I mean by Lizard Creatures!
ImageShack - Best place for all of your image hosting and image sharing needs (( Warrior ))
https://www.cs.binghamton.edu/~stea/gaming/wiki/images/thumb/a/ac/Lizard_man.jpg/180px-Lizard_man.jpg (( Spearman/Archer ))
http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs46/f/2009/230/3/b/Lizard_shaman_by_Geldrin.png (( Shaman ))
http://www.elfwood.com/art/a/l/alton/garsham2.jpg (( Shaman ))

Concept art not made by me, found around the internet.

Incase if you want to read it in pastebin here it is: Our main character is Aragus, a young farmer in a newly found world set in medie - Pastebin.com

This is where I need some good feedback, I think I did some of improvements from GeorgeRigato’s feedback and I think as well that I pushed my self a bit off the limit and I never thought I would of do such a long text work since I graduated from High School and College xD
RPG stories are my weakness, so many to write and describe, just like those Gods and Goddess!

Anyways what do you think? is this good enough for me to keep on going and attempt to become something to Story Writer ((I tend to write how the gameplay would of work tho not sure is that suppose to be Story Writer or Game Designer :stuck_out_tongue: ))

I really need a good feedback on this!
Thank you
Norton aka Krystian A