How do I get the pivot of an object in a particle system?

Oh you’re with the Built In Render Pipeline?

TL/DR
Shader Graph Built-In Targets do not support GPU Instancing (Unlit does but requires force enabling it on the material with C#).

I would strongly recommend using URP.

But, if you need Unlit only, you can try this path instead:
Packages/com.unity.shadergraph/Editor/Generation/Targets/BuiltIn/ShaderLibrary/ParticlesInstancing.hlsl

And force GPU instancing using material.enableInstancing.
You can use this Editor script for that.